


The Hidden Charms of Closets

by minigalaxies



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, No real plot here, Spoilers for the TFTSA story: Born to Endless Night, this might be slightly cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 03:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5318129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minigalaxies/pseuds/minigalaxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Shadowhunters and a warlock walk into a closet; chaos ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hidden Charms of Closets

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know. I wanted to write something funny; it turned out much longer than expected, but hopefully, it's still good.

Jace was running. His breath was uneven, coming out of his mouth in short pants as he ran down the length of the hallway, narrowly missing the way it turned left and causing him to stumble momentarily. He recovered his balance almost immediately and he looked behind him, scanning the space and making sure he wasn't being followed. It looked clear and he felt relief envelop him as he turned and resumed running; only to crash through a door he really should have noticed was there sooner.

Said door wasn't locked, as he discovered when it very easily opened and let him fall inside and on top of something that was already in there. Or rather, someone, seeing as whatever was under him was soft, wriggling and emitting an impressive string of curses in a very familiar voice.

Jace scrambled to get up, willing his eyes to adjust to the near complete darkness inside – wherever it was he standing in at the moment. His unexpected roommate got up too and proceeded to glare at Jace with an annoyed expression he had perfected years ago.

''Are you actually that stupid?'' Alec asked, his face as serious as it could be while half of it was covered with dust. At least, Jace thought it was dust; his eyes were still adjusting. It could possibly be that Magnus had somehow convinced Alec to finally try on makeup. Weird, dusty looking makeup. He hadn't succeeded in his previous attempts though, so Jace doubted his own anniversary party was the time and place to get his husband to sport new makeup.

''...completely out of the blue,'' Alec was saying. ''Jace, are you even listening to me?''

''Er, yes?'' Jace said, unwilling to admit he had spent the last couple of minutes thinking about his parabatai and makeup.

''What was I saying, then?''

''That I'm the best parabatai ever and you're incredibly lucky to have me?'' Jace tried with a grin.

''Did you hurt your head when you fell?'' Alec adopted a concerned tone that would have sounded sincere had Jace not known him for more than a decade.

''Your concern for me is admirable,'' Jace said dryly and Alec smirked at him.

''I'm aware. So, why exactly did you feel the need to fall on me?''

''The door was unlocked.'' Jace shrugged.

''What?''

''Which word is giving you trouble?''

''What does the door have to do with anything?'' Alec asked, sounding baffled.

''The door was unlocked, as I mentioned, and so it gave way and I fell trough.''

Alec looked at him, his eyebrows raising when Jace didn't offer anything more as explanation. ''Are you actually going to make me ask the next, extremely obvious question?''

''I cannot think what you could be talking about,'' Jace said.

''Why did you fall through the door, Jace?'' Alec asked in a long-suffering voice.

''Because it was unlocked. Haven't we already been through this?''

''You know, the parabatai oath says I have to protect you from someone else trying to hurt you. It doesn't say anything about _me_ not hurting you.''

''The love has really gone from our relationship,'' Jace said mournfully, shaking his head.

''I am about two seconds away from sending you back the way you came,'' Alec warned.

''Fine, fine,'' Jace said. ''I was running and I didn't notice the door in time to stop.''

''How fast were you running not to notice the door?'' Alec asked. ''It's not exactly small or inconspicuous.''

''That doesn't matter,'' Jace said quickly. ''The point is I didn't expect it to be unlocked, or someone already being here. Talking about which, what are you doing here? Where is here?''

Alec looked around, as if noticing the space around him for the first time. ''It looks like a storage room,'' he said, pointing to the various items cluttered about that Jace could just barely make out.

''More like a closet,'' Jace said as he too looked around. There wasn't nearly enough space where they were standing for the place to be called a room.

''Room, closet, whatever,'' Alec waved a hand as if to show it wasn't important.

''So, why are _you_ in this charming room/closet?'' Jace asked again.

''Uh, I was… curious?'' Alec offered, his voice going up in the end in a way that phrased his sentence more like a question.

''You're asking me?'' Jace said, sounding amused.

''No… no, I'm telling you, I was curious,'' Alec replied, nodding emphatically for good measure. ''I haven't been to Luke's farmhouse that often and I wanted to see more of it.''

''Okay, let me get this straight. We are at your anniversary party, celebrating the, and I quote, ''happiest day of my entire life'' unqote, and you just decided to ditch your husband and your guests to explore a dinky, dark storage closet?''

''I'm really trying to understand your train of thought here,'' he went on, when Alec remained silent, ''so, you came across this door, opened it, and what? You were so drawn by the allure of old gardening tools you decided to come inside, close the door and just stand there? Because if so, I feel I should warn Magnus the next time you decide to leave a party to go stand in a dark basement somewhere.''

''You're hilarious,'' was Alec's only response.

''One of my many positive attributes, yes. I'm glad you noticed.''

Alec opened his mouth but Jace never found out what he was going to say, because at that moment the door swung open once again to reveal a red-headed blur that dashed inside, letting the door slam shut behind her. Jace watched with mounting amusement as his parabatai was once again the victim of people rushing inside and consequently falling on him because they didn't stop on time. At least Alec managed to keep his balance and they both stayed upright this time.

''Alec?'' Clary asked, patting the taller figure in front of her as if trying to guess his identity through touch. ''Is that you? Are you okay?''

''Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry. You're much lighter than Jace.''

''Jace?'' Clary repeated, her gaze swiveling around until it landed on her boyfriend. ''You're here? I can barely see you; hang on.'' She rooted around in her purse for a few seconds before pulling out a witchlight that filled the room with bright white light. After the near darkness of the closet, it was nearly blinding.

Clary swung the witchlight around, illuminating the space around them and showing it was actually smaller than Jace had originally thought. The three of them were able to stand here fairly comfortably, but any more people might be pushing it. Not that he was expecting any more people to come barging in here. Unless this closet had suddenly become the new place to be in this party.

Before he could ponder the possibility of that – along with the worrying fact that his thoughts were getting progressively weirder; he blamed the closet – Clary started talking again and he turned his attention to her.

''Both of you here and neither thought to use a witchlight? Really?'' Her tone was clearly mocking and seeing as Jace had no good answer because they actually had been standing here in the dark, he slipped an arm around his girlfriend's waist, drawing her close to him.

''Should I be insulted you went straight to Alec without even noticing I was here?'' he asked before placing a kiss to the side of her head.

''I don't have a homing device on you yet, Herondale,'' she turned around to face him and his arms encircled her fully. She burrowed in his chest, much like a cat curling, and the same feeling of completeness, that had become a regular occurrence whenever Clary was near, unfurled inside him. ''You saying I should get one?''

''Eh, on second thought it might get in the way of me meeting my other girlfriends.''

Clary snorted. ''Oh, well, in that case I wouldn't want to inconvenience you,'' she said while her arms winded behind his neck, the witchlight still clasped in her hand.

''That's why you're my favorite,'' he said and she grinned before her lips were on his, soft and sweet. His arms immediately tightened around her, pulling her even closer. He pulled back after a few seconds, unwillingly, his eyes looking over Clary's shoulder to his parabatai, who was looking at the ceiling as if the rusty beams there fascinated him, his expression faintly uncomfortable.

''Alec's here,'' he told Clary as they disentangled from each other.

''A fact I would thank both of you to remember,'' Alec said, directing his gaze back at them.

''Sorry, Alec,'' Clary smiled at him. ''It's the whole hormones thing, for some reason they seem to like him,'' she jerked her chin at Jace.

''I feel the love.'' Jace sounded mock-disgruntled.

''I'm pretty sure you were feeling the love a minute ago,'' Alec said and Clary started laughing, moving from Jace's side to stand next to Alec.

''You abandon me so easily?'' Jace cried, lifting a hand to his chest. ''I'm wounded.''

''You'll survive, I'm sure. Besides, it's your fault I'm in here right now, so you deserve to be abandoned.''

''How is it my fault?''

''You're the one who got me pregnant and wanted to tell everyone and now Mom and Luke have gone baby-crazy and keep talking to me about hospitals and underwater births when I'm barely two months along,'' Clary winced. ''So I had to come hide in here to escape.''

''I'm sorry?'' Jace offered, but Clary just shook her head.

''Next time I'm sicking them on you, just so you know.''

Alec was watching them with an amused smile. ''I think I'm pretty lucky neither Magnus nor I can get pregnant.''

''You have no idea,'' Jace mumbled, which caused Clary's head to snap up.

''Did my dear boyfriend say something?'' she asked, her voice saccharine sweet.

''You're going to be a wonderful mother and I love you,'' Jace said with a winning grin and both Clary and Alec rolled their eyes, though her lips were twitching as if she was suppressing a smile.

''You're getting me so much ice cream when we get home,'' she informed him.

''As you wish,'' he replied and her smile broke free.

''If you two are done grinning at each other like idiots,'' Alec said after a couple of seconds.

''I'm sure Magnus would be more than happy to grin at you like an idiot too.''

Clary barely finished talking before Alec's phone started ringing as if on cue.

''Magnus?'' Alec said after he answered it, sounding slightly surprised.

''He wants to grin at you,'' Jace stage-whispered. ''Now that's a good husband.''

''Alec?'' Magnus's voice was slightly muffled but still clear, and not coming from the phone at Alec's ear. ''Where are y-'' The rest of his sentence was cut off as the door swung open to reveal the warlock standing before them, peering curiously inside the closet. ''There you are, I've been looking all over for you. What are you doing here?''

Clary reached over and took Alec's arm, lowering it, and the phone in his hand, from his ear. ''You know the phone's not needed anymore when the other person is literally in front of you, right?''

''Er, right, yeah,'' Alec mumbled, putting the phone hastily in his pocket.

''Biscuit!'' Magnus greeted Clary quite enthusiastically-and loudly-making her jump. ''Luke and Jocelyn are looking for you.''

The words were barely out of Magnus's mouth before Clary clasped a hand in his shiny red shirt and dragged him forcefully inside the closet, closing the door behind him. It was a tight fit with Magnus added to the mix now.

''Clary?'' Magnus and Jace asked simultaneously. ''While it hasn't been uncommon to find myself drawn to small, enclosed spaces by people wishing for my company,'' Magnus went on, dropping Clary a glittering wink, ''I doubt that was your intention, considering my husband and your boyfriend are also here.''

''Where are they?'' Clary asked Magnus, seemingly ignoring his comment.

''Where is who?''

''My Mom and Luke! Where are they? Are they coming here?''

''Last time I saw them they were down by the lake, looking for you. Which begs the question, why are you in here instead of distracting your mother and her husband so they won't come to me with their million crazy baby-related questions?''

''Oh God, they got to you too?'' Clary groaned.

''Oh, they did. And while I've had many experiences in the long time I've been alive, I have not, nor will I ever be, pregnant. Which makes me really unsuitable to answer questions such as when will the baby start kicking or what the best brands of pre-natal care are.''

''Sorry,'' she said earnestly. ''I'll tell them to stop bothering you and go to Jace instead.''

''Hey!'' Jace exclaimed, not particularly excited with that plan.

''Don't hey me, you caused this,'' she said pointing at her still-flat stomach, ''you get to deal with the crazy grandparents.''

Jace deflated under his girlfriend's glare and Magnus snickered. ''I knew I liked you for a reason, biscuit.''

Seemingly appeased by Clary's promise to steer Jocelyn and Luke Jace's way in the future, Magnus turned his attention to the man he was currently pressed against. ''Alec, darling,'' he said, placing a kiss to his husband's lips, ''I've missed you.''

''You were slow dancing less than half an hour ago,'' Jace pointed out.

''Yes, and now it's half an hour later and we're in a cramped closet, because…why exactly are we in here? Let's get out of here, people will be wondering where the extremely handsome people of honor went.''

'No!'' shouted Clary, Jace and Alec together, causing Magnus to look at the three of them curiously.

''Okay… care to explain why?''

''I'm hiding from my parents,'' Clary said at once, and Magnus sent a nod in her direction.

''Sure, this one I get, but, Alec? Wanna explain why you decided to ditch your magnificent husband in our own anniversary party?''

''Um, I was exploring?'' Alec said, failing to sound even remotely convincing, a light blush coloring his cheeks.

Magnus looked at him, seeming unimpressed. ''Alec, sweetheart, you know I love you, but if I find out you prefer to spend your time in dark dinky closets instead of with me, our marriage is going to have a problem.''

''There's a very ironic coming out joke somewhere in there,'' Jace muttered to Clary, who let out a snort before shushing him.

''No, it's not that, I love spending time with you,'' Alec said quickly, leaning closer to his husband. Seeing as they were all pressed together with little space between them, he ended up stepping on Jace's foot before achieving his goal.

''I should think so,'' Magnus said, sounding smug, ''especially after this morning-''

''Please, don't continue this sentence,'' Jace cut him off, ''I don't particularly feel like hearing about my brother's sex life.''

''I've seen your ancestors in bed, Herondale, you don't get to complain,'' Magnus told him airily before directing his attention to Alec once more, leaving Jace staring at him, completely befuddled.

''Alec, you can't honestly expect us to believe you just had a pressing need to explore the inside of Luke's storage closet,'' Clary told him with a smirk. ''Come on, spill.''

Alec let out a sigh. ''Remember how we agreed to invite Maia's pack and Lily's clan to show the continued unity of Shadowhunters and Downworlders?'' He directed the question at Magnus, who nodded. ''And how a werewolf from Maia's pack asked if she could bring her grandmother too, because she was staying with her that week and has no one else to look after her?'' Another nod. ''Well, turns out her grandmother's memory and eyesight are not what they used to be. It also turns out that I bear a startling resemblance to said grandmother's late husband when he was young.''

Silence followed his words as it took the others a few seconds to connect the dots, then the closet was filled with raucous laughter.

''It's not funny!'' Alec shouted over their laughter. ''She kept asking me to dance. She even pinched my butt!''

If he hoped that piece of information would make them stop laughing, he was gravely mistaken. ''It is a very nicely shaped ass,'' Magnus said, which only caused Jace and Clary to laugh harder.

''So what?'' Jace said after a while, when they had calmed down. ''You plan to spend the rest of the day in here so the old lady won't get you?''

''Shut up,'' Alec replied, looking at the door.

''Okay, it was just a question, jeez.''

''No, shut up, I think I hear something.'' Alec waved his hand at Jace's direction and everyone fell silent, straining to hear.

''It sounds like footsteps, like it's more than one person,'' Jace told the others, his ear glued to the door.

''Oh God, it's Mom and Luke, everyone shut up, nobody move,'' Clary said, her voice going shrill by the end.

The footsteps came closer, stopped for a couple of seconds and then a voice could be heard, wondering how the door opened.

''Hang on, I think there's a handle here,'' another voice answered, female and familiar. Come to think of it, Jace could recognize the first voice too, it was –

''Simon?'' he heard Clary exclaim, and yeah that was him. Along with an askew tie, a partially unbuttoned shirt and an Isabelle in a similar state of disarray.

''Wha – I thought you said the closet would be empty,'' Isabelle raised an accusing eyebrow at Simon.

''It was supposed to be,'' he said, looking at the four people inside and blinking, as if expecting them to disappear any second.

''Well, it's clearly not. What are you all doing here?''

''What are you doing here?'' Jace countered.

''Sight-seeing,'' Isabelle replied sarcastically. ''I wanted to make out and Simon said there was an old closet no one was using anymore. Except apparently we weren't the only ones with this idea.'' She gestured with her hand at the four of them.

''We're not here to make out!'' Alec cried, his blush making a return.

''Really?'' Isabelle sounded surprised.

''No, we just gathered here together cause we're all so into voyeurism,'' Jace's tone mirrored Isabelle's sarcastic one.

''Actually, voyeurism can be quite enjoyable in the right circumstances,'' Magnus said conversationally while Simon gaped at him and Alec sputtered, his face beet red by now.

''Interesting piece of information aside, we still don't know why you're in there,'' Isabelle noted.

''Can we maybe talk about this somewhere else?'' Clary suggested.

''Sure, we could go back out,'' Simon said, and was getting ready to do so, when Clary darted forward and pulled first him and then Isabelle inside, closing the door behind them.

If it was uncomfortable before with four of them, now it was almost ridiculously crowded, Jace thought as Simon's elbow found his ribs and Alec ended up almost completely plastered against Magnus to make room for Isabelle. Not that either of them seemed to mind it all that much.

''You realize this is the second time you've pulled people inside this closet against their will,'' Jace remarked to Clary, who was holding her right hand up, the witchlight in her palm providing the only light in the room.

''They were standing in the doorway,'' Clary shrugged, ''anyone walking by could've seen them. And we can't go out there. It was the only logical option.''

''I'm beginning to question your understanding of logical,'' Simon said.

''Will someone please explain what's going on with the four of you?'' Isabelle asked, sounding impatient.

Magnus did, quickly explaining why he, Alec and Clary were in the closet, only to stop mid-sentence and turn to face Jace. ''Why are you here?''

''What?''

''Why are you here? The rest of us, we know why, but you haven't said anything about your reasons. So, what is it? What unspeakable event forced you to seek sanctuary in an old storage closet?''

While Magnus had been talking, the rest of them had turned to look at Jace too, so that he was facing five very curious, very eager faces.

''Iwasplayinhidenseekwithmax,'' he mumbled under his breath, followed by a chorus of _whats_ from everyone else.

''I was playing hide and seek with Max,'' he repeated more clearly

''I'm sorry,'' Simon said, his voice strained as if he was trying to keep it straight, ''you're telling us the reason you've been hiding here all this time is because you don't want a five-year-old to beat you at hide and seek?'' By the time he completed his sentence his voice was starting to waver and chuckles were heard from the rest.

''He's found all my other hiding spots,'' Jace protested loudly, ''and he's way too fast for a little kid; I had to run to keep him from seeing where I was going.''

''So when you said you were running and that's why you didn't notice the door it was so my five-year-old son wouldn't find your hiding spot?'' Alec asked. Unlike Simon, he made no attempt to hide the laughter in his voice and it prompted the others to join in too.

''Yes, it's all very funny, can we move on now?'' Jace said, annoyed when almost five minutes had passed and the laughter still hadn't stopped.

''Oh no, this is something I want to remember,' Isabelle sounded breathless from laughing. ''Jace Herondale, best Shadowhunter of his age, terrified by his five-year-old nephew.''

''I'm not terrified!'' Jace shouted amid renewed laughter. He would have said more, except at that moment a breathy moan cut through the laughter and the six people inside the closet fell silent, looking around in an attempt to determine the source of the sound.

''Did any of you just…'' Simon trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

''No, of course not,'' Clary said immediately and everyone else nodded in agreement. The moan hadn't come from them. ''But who-''

Another moan cut off the rest of Clary's sentence, louder this time and clearly coming from outside the door.

''Stop, someone could walk in any minute,'' a woman's voice, and Jace saw Clary stiffen suddenly, her eyes widening.

''I don't care, I can't wait until everyone leaves,'' a man answered and Simon paled while the rest of them looked at each other in disbelief. Jace saw Clary mouth _Mom_ and Simon whispered _Luke_ , sounding horrified.

''Mmm, Luke,'' Jocelyn purred, as if to confirm their suspicions. Sounds of what could only be enthusiastic kissing followed and Clary scrunched her eyes shut, as though this way she could block out the sounds her mother and her husband were making.

''This is so wrong,'' Simon muttered, his voice so low it was barely audible.

''They don't seem to agree,'' Isabelle said, gesturing at the door, outside of which the noises seemed to have increased in volume.

''This is payback,'' Clary whispered, her expression a mix between miserable and disgusted, ''for not encouraging their baby-mania. They're getting me back by scarring me for life.''

''Someone needs to go out there, make them stop,'' Alec hissed, but no one volunteered. Jace didn't even want to think of the possibility of Luke and Jocelyn finding out he had heard them. ''Seriously,'' he went on when nobody moved, ''we have to let them know we're here.''

''Be my guest,'' Jace told him. ''There's no way I'm going out there right now.''

''Me either,'' Isabelle piped up.

''You know, the bedroom is just two doors down,'' Luke said, his voice sounding faint.

''Too far,'' Jocelyn replied in the same tone, ''I want you now.''

''Okay, that's it,'' Magnus said decisively and with quite some difficulty, managed to reach the door handle. ''I'm out of here.'' He turned the handle.

''No, wait!'' Simon cried, leaning forward to prevent Magnus from stepping outside. Seeing as they were all pressed together though, his movements caused him to lose his balance and fall towards Magnus, pulling Isabelle and Alec along by way of his windmilling arms. Jace moved quickly, trying to prevent them from crashing to the floor. He managed to grab hold of Isabelle's arm, but it wasn't enough to keep them both upright and so they ended up falling through the open door on the floor of the hallway outside of it.

From his place under Alec's leg Jace saw Luke and Jocelyn stop what they were doing and turn to look at the tangled mess of people on the floor before them, their expressions registering complete surprise. Jocelyn's gaze traveled from them to the closet space behind them, coming to rest on Clary, who was the only one still standing.

''Clary?'' Luke asked, his gaze having followed his wife's. ''What are you… I mean, why were you… what…''

But Luke never managed to make a complete sentence, since at that moment a small, blue-skinned person appeared at the end of the hallway. Skidding to a halt at the sight of all these people, Max peered closely at them before finding his target and proclaiming, in a very loud, enthusiastic voice, ''Uncle Jace, I found you!''

Total silence reigned for a couple of minutes, while those who had fallen got back up and they all just stood there, looking at each other. The silence was eventually broken by Jace, who, unable to come up with even a single convincing excuse on the spot, decided _screw it_ , thew his hands wide and shouted, a too-wide grin on his face,

''Happy Aniversarry!''

 


End file.
